The Words That Matter Most

I remember the exact moment I got the news, when my world stopped and for the moment -nothing else mattered. I remember the way the doctor led us across the recovery room and into the makeshift office of the medical tech I saw scurrying away.  Some guy who, at the doctors urging, left so fast, his abandoned cup of coffee still sat steaming on his desk. We sat talking until that cup of coffee grew cold.

 At first there was relief, I was strung out from sleep deprivation, and determination. I knew something was very wrong, but no one in  Arizona could figure it out. Thanks to my father’s celebrity connections,  Zoe and I had flown across the country to meet with a team of special doctors. 

  I made it through that meeting , learning a lot from the doctors words and more from those converstions that  followed.  Most doctors are practiced at the art of breaking bad news.

 Over time I have learned how much to say, how to have these conversations- and when it is best not to try. 

Cool Tools To Help You Tackle Your Day

 

It was way past bedtime, when emotions often run high. O was tossing and turning -  twisting her blankets into a furious ball and after one more kiss goodnight, putting on an audio book and one final threat from me, she asks “ What’s happening with Zoe and I right now? Why don’t we kiss and hug anymore? What’s going to happen when we grow up?” 

What’s happening with my girls is the age/ maturity gap is getting wider and O is growing up. What’s happening is it’s summer and it’s hot- and when hot, tired or hungry.. courtesy of their metabolic disorder.. my girls get lethally grumpy. What’s happening is Zoe doesn’t have all the social skills or real life experience to transition, process or adapt to the changing routine or emotional climate. It doesn’t matter why it’s happening really, what matters is it’s my job to fix it, or at least make it a little bit better.

At the end of each day, when the lights are low, the kitchen cleaned up- the computers shut down, the kids tucked in- the dogs curled up asleep and my husband and I finally sit down to enjoy relaxing into the quiet, I try to absorb the contented feeling of what looks like a normal life.   And then frantically get a game plan on how to make the next day better. 

Keeping Your Head Above Water

I am not sure when it was exactly, that I stopped planning ahead. It could have been when Zoe was little and ill all the time. Maybe when her big sister Olivia was still catching every virus too- but somewhere along the years with appointments, kids school stuff, daily care and flu seasons- and trying to work from home- I stopped looking ahead on my calendar and started my focus of just keeping my head above water. One day at a time.

Sometime after that, I gave up the guilt  too. Feeling remiss about the appointments I had to reschedule, the lunches I could never follow through with , the birthdays I missed, the social calls I could not return. There isn’t enough room in my head to stuff guilt in there too- it’s already full of worry, constant care reminders, health stuff and detailed plot plans for tomorrow on how to be more productive, more efficient and to have a better day. A long while ago I gave up pedicures, dinners out, date night or hobbies- I am good intentioned, but it’s tough. And I still feel bad- but mostly I have accepted the idea that I am probably misunderstood. That others just “ don’t get it”.

I think a lot about how to apologize and explain. Continue Reading  This Post at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.com